These are the slides from my opening keynote today at the XII Conferência Internacional de Tecnologias de Informação e Comunicação na Educação in Portugal, in which I imagined a world in which in-person education had never been invented, and I presented a (weak, deeply flawed) case for it. In the process I explained why it and its associated pedagogies and structures were invented, and how they have deeply and counter-productively affected how formal online education typically occurs today. Recognizing that few of us are able to change all the many interdependent systems that cause such problems, towards the end I provided a few ways to make better use of the cards we have been dealt, as well as explaining a few of the theoretical reasons that the problems occur in the first place.